I have noticed that people are always eager to talk about everything that is good and positive about raising a disabled child, people are often reluctant talk about things that are harder to bring out in the open. One of the main things being the stress it puts on a marriage.
Raising children is hard enough in a nuclear family, in our case we have a blended family situation. Which is difficult under normal circumstances, in our case of his, hers, and ours I have a child from a previous marriage who is Autistic, a stepson from my husbands first marriage who we recently got custody of, and a four year old daughter who is ours.
A situation arose this weekend that made me think how being a parent is a learning process and how it is not always black and white. This situation involved a conflict between the two boys, one which my husband and I immediately took opposing sides on. I assume you guess what ensued next..something in the realm of World War III. I felt he wasn't taking it serious enough he thought I was taking it too serious. Never a good combination if you ask me.
When the storm subsided, I started to wonder how many other couples like us are having the exact same problem. As a mother of a disabled child, I have to be honest and say that even though we as parents try to be equal I believe it is human nature to be more protective of the child we view as being more in need. To most this would be the youngest. For some it would be a child with a disability. Even though I understand that being overprotective would be doing Mason a huge disservice. I can't turn of that inside me which makes me want to protect him from everyone no matter if it be adults or other children.
I am not sure of everything. I know that I will make a mess of mistakes as a parent before it is all said and done. I know that I don't have all the answers. I don't believe that I have to. I do believe that what we all need is better understanding of conflict resolution.
Pretty much how not to ignore the elephant in the room.
We only have one child, so we don't have the *exact* same issue... BUT, I think that having a child with special needs can be very trying-- I resigned from my job, and now I really have a 24/7 job that's always going, going, going. I'm either on the move with my son (At therapies, working with him, etc.) or I'm absolutely exhausted-- Usually both! I try not to get frustrated, but sometimes I have a hard time taking any time for myself to breathe, gather my thoughts, relax, and I know that this can, sometimes, affect how I speak to my husband, or how I treat him. Also, my son sleeps with us (He doesn't sleep much, though), and I think this, plus always being exhausted, etc., really takes a toll on our sex life-- Or, in our case, what sex life?! It's hard, but I try to remember (Eventhough I'm not always good about remembering it) that I have a great husband, a great son, and that every family has their struggles-- Also, in time, from what I've heard from friends with grown children with Autism, it DOES get easier, and our day WILL come!
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