How do you turn these things on...?

Yesterday, I bought Mason a new pair of tennis shoes. They were red and black and very boyish. When Mason saw them, he was excited. He told me he liked them cause they were the school colors and that they were going to make him run really fast. Today, as I was walking Mason to the front door of school, He informed me that his shoes were broken. Through the giggles I asked why he thought that. He said he couldn't figure out how to turn the shoes on so he could run fast.
Maybe the shoe company should make the power button more accessible!

Sir Teach-a-lot to the Rescue!

After the evil back pack had conquered my kingdom, Sir Teach-A-Lot (A.K.A Mason's 1st grade teacher) came to my aide. He managed to successfully redirect Squire Mas back into the path to knightdom. Next be boldly challenged the Evil Back Pack and defeated it ushering in the reign of a new back pack.

In layman's terms, he successfully diverted a melt-down and went out of his way to call me and tell me not that things were going bad, but that things were going good. (Something his last teacher never did.) Also, he went out of his way to acquire Mason a new back pack. If you ask me, it was above and beyond the call of duty.

Sir Teach-A-Lot will sooooooo be getting a gold star!

The Accursed Back Pack!

Embarking on the third day of school, this morning started off as a bad day. Mason first off did not want to get out of bed. He did not like the clothes I picked out for him and on top of that, he refused to eat any breakfast. On the way out the door, He told me that he didn't like what the school was serving for lunch and that I needed to make his lunch today. We did an about face and checked out the school menu when I told him that we didn't have time to make his lunch and that the school was serving hamburgers, he was not happy. In the car, he had a meltdown. Informing me that he was not taking his back pack to school. Apparently, he had failed to tell me yesterday that a kid at school made fun of his back pack and told him that it was a girls back pack. I tried to convince him that a black back pack with skulls on it was not a girls back pack. He didn't believe me. When we got to his classroom, the teacher could already tell that Mason was having a day.The teacher, myself, and two other male students tried to convince Mason that his back pack was cool but to no avail. Back pack one, Mommy zero.

Teacher on Trial

So the first day of school has come and gone. It started off with my husband and I walking Mason to his classroom. My husband having not met the teacher yet was more anxious than I was. He had to take a day off of work to meet his teacher. As we walked down the hallway, he made the snide remark that at least this teacher he could punch. Now for those of you who are reading this who don't know my husband, don't be offended. He would never REALLY do that or I would not LET him. Same thing. But of course, he had to give this new teacher the third degree and the same set of information I had previously given him at meet the teacher night. After being reassured that Mason's new teacher wasn't an axe murder or psychopath, We headed home to wait the dreaded seven hours before we would find out how the trial run of the new teacher went.

The whole time he was gone, I had time to stew on the events of last year. I guess what bothered me most of all was the fact that my concerns had gone unnoticed. I never got the closure I needed last year. I was told that there was a pecking order and that I some how violated that chain of command when I went to the principal instead of the teacher. What do I really want to do now? Go to the superintendent. Have a nice little sit down and spill the proverbial beans. I wouldn't feel this way if the confrontation in the hallway at meet the teacher night had gone a little differently. Newsflash teachers and principals! When a parent walks up to you who has had the experiences I have and tells you their anxiety level is through the roof because last year, When they explain to you that they had done their research this year and know their rights. That is YOUR cue! What should happen next is not "Everyone has a fresh start this year." Bull. Mason may have a fresh start this year but you don't. That is your cue to start explaining what steps you are going to be taking to ensure what happened last year isn't going to happen this year. We don't appriciate being pacified. We want actions and results cause lets face it you can't pacify an angry parents. Being fed bull and kept in the dark...do I look like a mushroom? All I can say, Is that I am still comtemplating setting up a meet and greet with the superintendent. I am not unreasonable so I have decided to give the school a chance to redeem itself. However, the first time that something happens that I don't like I will have that sit down with the superintendent.

When it was time to pick Mason up I had sufficiently freaked myself out. Although I hadn't recieved a call I just knew that something was going to be said. When Mason walked out with the teacher, He seemed to be generally in a good mood. The teacher said that Mason only needed a little bit of refocus the whole day but did very well and I was relieved. I was glad for small favors. I know that everyday won't be a great day. Some days will be good days. And if there are more good days than bad, that is all a parent can ask for.

Breathe a Sigh of relief..

So tonight was meet the teacher night at Mason's school. Needless to say I was stressed and nervous about having to explain to yet another teacher about Mason and pray that I wouldn't get the reaction this year that I did last year. When I open the doors of the elementary I was the one of only three people in the hall. The other two being the principal and the counselor. I stopped to speak with them and asked them which of the 1st grade teachers had drawn the short straw this year. I was reassured that Mason had a fresh start this year and that everyone was more than willing to try and help Mason through another school year. Apparently, they attended school in the twilight zone last year. I told them of the plans that I had for Mason's doctors and the research I had done. Then walked the long hall to the 1st grade classrooms. I thought this would be perfect time for the guillotine music to start. When I walked in I was hesitant about telling Mason's teacher all about Mason. Mason's teach turned out to be male this year. Which I believe would be beneficial to Mason. After a long talk with Mason's teacher he really made me feel better about the situation. He understood about asperger's and proved to me that he did by telling ME what he was expecting in having Mason in his classroom. I know it won't solve all of the issues but having someone who understands and is willing to be patient and wants Mason in his class is the best thing I could have asked for. I know it will be a rocky road ahead but at least his teacher is willing to help Mason over the boulders. Thank God for small favors...

The big S is coming....SCHOOL!!!

Honestly, I am rather stressed. For most parents the beginning of a new school year is kind of exciting. Another year older a brand new set of accomplishments and extra-curricular activities. For me, Mother of a child with Asperger's, it is a brand new set of worries and struggles. I remember dropping Mason off in the mornings. He was happy and excited and ready to meet the day head on. The child that I picked up was completely different. Every day I saw that sad look of defeat on his face and it broke my heart. A child whose spirit was broken because the school system failed him. They couldn't or wouldn't understand him crushing all the excitment and curiosity he had inside him for the expierience that is suppposed to educate and enlighten him. I am preparing myself to be called to the school constantly. To have to go up there and gripe and complain about the treatment of my son. I can only pray that this year the school has learned that I AM one of those parents that will be up there the first time I don't like what goes one. To recap. Besides all of the things that happened that I previously blogged about. There was twice when the school let my child wander around. I was taking him directly to the classroom everyday. Eventually I was told that I couldn't do that. The time before the bell rang was the teacher's "personal" time. I was told I had to take him to the cafeteria to wait with the other children. Naturally, I was concerned and asked if there was going to be someone there to make sure that Mason made it to his class on time and make sure he didn't wander off. I was assured that there would be. There wasn't. Once Mason was found wandering outside in the parking lot. He got in trouble and I was angry. When they asked him about it he told them he was waiting for me to pick him up. I had told Mason when I dropped him off at school that I would be picking him up early to go to the dentist. As a result of previous experience, I learned I had to make Mason aware of any schedule changes in advance and talk to him about them or a meltdown would ensue. Mason would get really agitated when his schedule was disrupted or something happened he wasn't used to. Obviously you can't prepare them for everything cause you don't know when things are going to come up. But Mason was not trying to wander off He was waiting for me to picking him up although he didn't understand that I would come and get him when I arrived he only knew he was ready to go to the dentist. On another occasion, the school called at around 8:30 to ask me if Mason was going to come to school that day. They just assumed that we were running late which happened sometimes when we were having a "meltdown" morning. I informed them that Mason had been dropped off in the cafeteria at 7:45 that morning. I started to freak out until the secretary told me that they had found him and that he had been wandering the halls. One of the events that sent me into a tail spin is the day that Mason's teacher spanked him in the classroom. Now I got conflicting stories on what really happened. I got a call saying that Mason's teacher had spanked him. I drove right up to the school. His teacher met me in the hall and said that she could see I was angry. In the hallway, the teacher told me that she told Mason if he misbehaved again she would spank him when he acted out again she said she popped him on the butt in the classroom and sent him to the principals office. Her exact works, "I got upset at him and spanked him." So first she told me she disciplined him in front of other students but worst of all that she spanked him when she was mad. I Then went into the principals office when the principal informed me that they had brought him to the principals office and he was spanked there so which was it. Did it happen in the classroom or did it happen in the principals office or did the teacher realize she screwed up and tried to cover her butt so he got it twice. I was so mad I was seeing red and there response. "You didn't sign a paper saying we couldn't spank." My response, "I didn't sign a paper saying you could." In the aftermath, there will be a paper on file stating they are absolutely not allowed to spank for any reason. These are just a few of the things that cross MY mind when I think about the beginning of a new school year. If last year has taught me anything, is that I am prepared to deal with the school. But I am also scared. I am required by law to trust the care of my child to these people for eight hours out of his day and I can't even trust them to make sure they know where he is. Normal parents are worried about how well their children are doing learning wise. Me. I have to worry whether or not my kid is going to make it home in one piece. If any other parents of children like mine are reading this, I understand your pain and maybe if you are just starting school Mason's expieriences will help you to safe guard your child from a school system that is failing children like ours.

Short and to the Point.

I was shopping with Brandi today and I bought me a book. It is called The Everything Book: Parent's Guide to Children with Autism. It is written by Adelle Jameson Tilton, A Minister and director of the Universal Bible Society. With additions by Dr. Goldberg Director the of the Neuro-immune Dysfunction Syndromes Research Center. I haven't gotten very far yet. But what little I have read had really made a difference. I feel confident that this book will help Mason and I on this Journey together. Although I am saddened that I receive more counseling from Books-a-million than I have from Mason's pediatrician. I have decided that maybe it is time to change and will be looking for someone who is better equipped to handle the medical needs of my son. The last line of the preface says "As parents, follow your instincts. Believe in yourselves and your children; the medical system will have to listen." This coming from a pediatrician..My only thought..Why couldn't he be from Abilene.

Girls! Forget it!

So along with all off the hard times that come along with having a child with Asperger's Syndrome. There are some times that make you laugh and make you smile. Once such thing happen the day of Mason's kindergarden Valentine's Day party. I waited by the front door for Mason like I always do. When he came out the door with a very puzzeled look on his face and something in his hand. When I asked him what the matter was he held out his hand and started crying. In his sweet little hand was a bag of candy. I smiled real big and asked Mason what the problem was and why he was crying. He told me that a little girl had given him candy and he didn't know why. I hid my laughter as I conforted him and explained to him that the little girl had given him candy to be nice to him because she wanted to be his friend. It breaks your heart but at the same time his quirks is what make him uniquely Mason.

The Calm after the Storm.

After the Diagnosis, I was confused. I didn't realize what that had meant for my family and I. I was not prepared for the onslaught of fights with the school and fights with the doctors. The school got extremely mad at me when we took Mason off of his ADHD medication to switch to another one cause the side effects were too sever. It made Mason so anxious that he would gnaw on his lip and it was red and swollen with sores. I took Mason back to his pediatrician and reported the diagnosis with the assumption that as a medical professional he would alert me to any other problems I should look for. He didn't. It wasn't until my own research did I find about specific diets and supplements and probiotics. Needless to say I love my little boy his quirks and all. After I told the school of Mason's diagnosis what they told me next floored me. They said they had to test him AGAIN! After several ARD meetings and Mason being sent for more tests they told me that Autism was not considered a learning disorder. Really!? He can barely funtion in the class room and I was told that three teachers aid's quit and refused to work with Mason and they didn't think he needed special attention in the classroom. His Kindergarden teacher even requested that Mason be transfered out of her class because she couldn't help him. The ironic part....she has a son with Asperger's Syndrome. The fighting with the school to give him the help he needs is finally paying off. When he starts first grade he will finally be getting speech therapy, occupational therpay, and time with the special education teacher.

Back to the time line...Pre-Diagnosis

I think I left off with my story at around Kindergarden. Shortly before Mason was due to start Kindergarden, I anticipated that he would have trouble adjusting. Boy was I in for a shocker. Mason always seemed to act like he was off in his own little world. He preferred to play alone and often wouldn't make eye contact. Sometimes for lack of a better phrase it seemed as if what you would say to him would go in one ear and out the other. Having gotten a divorce from his father when he was a year and half he was having to spend weekends at his fathers or his grandmothers. The transition was hard to say the least. He got agitated anytime he had to come home or any time he had to leave. The same when he was over at their house. It didn't matter what place he was at only that he had to leave it. When Mason was three, I had his sister Jenna. That was also a traumatic change. So before Kindergarden started I took him to see a counselor in our area. When Mason started school, it was like being thrown into an ice bath. I had no idea how traumatic it would be for both of us. Mason started having accidents and temper tantrums worse than normal. I would get a call almost everyday saying he had waded up his papers, screaming at teachers, not listening, flipping light switches. You name it he did it. Now mind you we was not diagnosed until November of his Kindergarden year. I asked the school to test him. Their response-he didn't need it. A few weeks into school I took him to the pediatrician who diagnoses Mason with ADHD. He started medication which helped in the attention department but didn't help with the classroom disruption. Most of the time when I would pick him up for school. Where would I find him? In a desk by himself in the principals office sleeping!! Finally I decided to make matters into my own hands. If the school refused to test him I would get him tested myself. You see, I had done research on the Internet and told his counselor that I believed my son had some form of Autism. Not being a medical profession I was unclear to what extent or the logistics of it. I just knew that my son fit 90% of the behaviors in some sort of way of Autism and ASD. Finally after talking to the local MHMR. They sent him to Austin for testing. The tests came back Asperger's Syndrome, ADHD, and Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

Tears come with the Territory!

Today I broke down and cried. I have never felt so bad as I did today. I know I have not told you everything up to date about Mason. But somehow I feel you will understand anyways. When I heard Mason's diagnosis I was not devastated. I didn't feel like I had lost anything. I saw it as just another challenge of raising a child. Today I realized just how unprepared I really was for his diagnosis. Mason has been having incontinence issues for a while now. Having mentioned such problems to his pediatrician on two separate occasions and being told that he would come to it in his own time and that it was just defiance we thought that maybe we needed to have a stronger hand. So I started putting Mason in the corner and he would get in trouble every time he had an accident because everything we have done up to this point has not had an effect on him. He started losing privileges like his video games and movies every time he had an accident. Today he had an accident. I gave him a lecture and popped him on the butt and told him to go sit on the potty. While speaking with my best friend who is a foster parent, she asked me if there might be something physically wrong with him and I assured her that I had spoken with Mason's doctor and he assured me there was nothing physical wrong. Having a suspicion we were missing something, we looked it up on the computer. I was devastated. I felt like the most horrible parent. I cried when I realized that I had been punishing my child for something that wasn't his fault. There is a direct correlation with children with Autism and Gastrointestinal problems. As hard as it is to put it in black and white that I failed my son. I feel it is important. It is part of the journey of dealing with a child with Autism. I guess success and failure go hand in hand. If there are any other parents of children with Autism who wind up reading this. I know there will be times just like me today where you beat yourself up because you of things you didn't know. Not only do I feel like I have let my son down, I feel like the doctor let me down as well. We trust them with our lives and with the lives our children. We believe them cause they put in the time and have an M.D behind their name. What I have learned from this lesson is that you are "MOM" and that means more than M.D. I know my child. Sometimes better than they do. From now on I will do my own research. Go to the Doctor appointments more prepared and argue with them If I think they are wrong. If I don't stick up for him no one will. I accept fully that...Tears come with the Territory.

The best place to start...

I believe it is said the best place to start is the beginning. The pregnancy was normal and quite uneventful. He progressed as normal children do. He walked around a year old and started talking accurate to the normal time line. He was at the ninety seventh percentile for his age and still is to this day. I noticed that once he started to be mobile that he didn't want me to snuggle him a whole lot. I chalked it up to personality and that he would rather be exploring. After all boys will be boys. Around two he started to rock himself. I assumed it was a form of self soothing. I had been told that lots of children do it. Then I started noticing other things. He had an adversion to loud sounds and any simple change like a favorite cartoon ending on the television would send him spiraling into a temper tantrum. He was quit clumsy and as usual I attributed it to the fact that he was a toddler. When he started spending more time with his peers, It was noticed that he had a hard time relating and shied away from other children. He would rather play alone and got aggitated if others tried to play with him. It was always in the back of my mind that there was something not right with him, but as a parent no one wants to admit that they might have a child with special needs. It wasn't until a very close friend voiced the same opinions that had been on my mind for a long time that I decided maybe it was more than just the concious fears of a mother. Then came the dreaded onslaught of the true struggles of a mother with a special needs child...Kindergarden...