Tears come with the Territory!

Today I broke down and cried. I have never felt so bad as I did today. I know I have not told you everything up to date about Mason. But somehow I feel you will understand anyways. When I heard Mason's diagnosis I was not devastated. I didn't feel like I had lost anything. I saw it as just another challenge of raising a child. Today I realized just how unprepared I really was for his diagnosis. Mason has been having incontinence issues for a while now. Having mentioned such problems to his pediatrician on two separate occasions and being told that he would come to it in his own time and that it was just defiance we thought that maybe we needed to have a stronger hand. So I started putting Mason in the corner and he would get in trouble every time he had an accident because everything we have done up to this point has not had an effect on him. He started losing privileges like his video games and movies every time he had an accident. Today he had an accident. I gave him a lecture and popped him on the butt and told him to go sit on the potty. While speaking with my best friend who is a foster parent, she asked me if there might be something physically wrong with him and I assured her that I had spoken with Mason's doctor and he assured me there was nothing physical wrong. Having a suspicion we were missing something, we looked it up on the computer. I was devastated. I felt like the most horrible parent. I cried when I realized that I had been punishing my child for something that wasn't his fault. There is a direct correlation with children with Autism and Gastrointestinal problems. As hard as it is to put it in black and white that I failed my son. I feel it is important. It is part of the journey of dealing with a child with Autism. I guess success and failure go hand in hand. If there are any other parents of children with Autism who wind up reading this. I know there will be times just like me today where you beat yourself up because you of things you didn't know. Not only do I feel like I have let my son down, I feel like the doctor let me down as well. We trust them with our lives and with the lives our children. We believe them cause they put in the time and have an M.D behind their name. What I have learned from this lesson is that you are "MOM" and that means more than M.D. I know my child. Sometimes better than they do. From now on I will do my own research. Go to the Doctor appointments more prepared and argue with them If I think they are wrong. If I don't stick up for him no one will. I accept fully that...Tears come with the Territory.